Parenting from joy

Freedom to Play

Did I read the controversial book  "Battle Hymn of a Tiger Mom" by Amy Chua? Of course I did. I needed to read and see what it's all about. I watched Stephen Colbert's Show where she was a guest and how she was being criticized. I must say, it was an enjoyable read and I was amazing to see such a strong cultural agenda for education and perfection as well as her efforts to parent her children just the way she was parented by Chinese parents. It was also clear that her attempts were failing, she wasn't parenting from the space of play, freedom, joy or even present time. Her parenting was a chore and one of the daughter consciously went with the expectations while the other rebelled. We don't talk about it but it happens all the time, in all families. Children rebel against strong, underlined, overly moralistic, repressive values. Children always are asking to be seen just the way they are, not what we want them to be, to do and to have. And here lies a fine line between nurturing, giving them freedom to play, to explore, creating chances for them to grow, learn by enrolling them to dance class, music class, reading books, playing and sometimes forcefully imposing what's "good" for them.  When I was 6 years old, my mom enrolled me in a classical piano lessons which I didn't care for. I was also expected to practice daily but all I wanted is to be outside and play. Now as an adult, I love classical music, love piano but rarely play.

Parents can only offer a space of freedom and play, also assisting and nurturing  children's dreams without any expectations. It means to step away from cultural, social pressures and demands, Be present here and now and have fun. It's one of the greatest gifts you can give to yourself and your children.

spirituality and motherhood, part 1

We live in a society where almost everything is defined for us. We like movies with happy endings, we like to be told how to view the world around us and more. Many of us don't like open ends, we simply want to be told how things should be. But when we talk about motherhood and spirituality, it's hard to create guidelines or define what motherhood is and make it fit to every woman. We must understand that every spirit is unique, each individual is unique, each family is different, each child brings a new perspective into our lives and into the world.

We tend to define motherhood by the things we do for our children. We clean up,  we cook, we teach them about the world around, we keep our children safe, we worry, we think about getting them into the best schools possible, we want only the best for our children, very often we lose ourselves in that process.  But motherhood is so much more than taking care of our children's well-being. It's not a something that we have to do, it's not something we have to learn. Motherhood is a space we occupy, it's state of being. It's an ever-changing, dynamic space that forces us to go within, to reevaluate ourselves as individuals. There is no doubt it's challenging space to occupy, it forces us to pay attention to our behavioral patterns, what we say to our children, how we act, what we think, it forces us to change.

There are many books, talk shows, blogs, radio shows that talk about disciplining children but when we really look closely to parenthood, we will see that parenting is not about disciplining a child, it's about self-discipline. So motherhood is a space of self-discovery, play, presence, mindfulness and more. It's different for each woman. Motherhood is not something we have to learn, we already have all the information we need as spirits, we know how to do it intuitively, it's within each of us as women. All we have to do is listen to that inner voice and all the answers are within. When we start to understand our spiritual nature, we will know that our children are aware of our fears, thought patterns, our emotional state and  what's going in our inner world.  Every parent can recall a time when their child just told them what was in their mind at that moment. Understanding our children's spiritual connection to ourselves is the big part of parenting. Parenting becomes an intentional spiritual discipline when we practice the art of understanding. The art of understanding is much more that simply taking care of our children, it makes us to be present and mindful to our children. Presence will allow you to be more aware of yourself and your children, awareness in return will allow you to trust your answers as a mother, to engage your child with openness, playfulness and neutrality.

Social expectations

It's not uncommon to see parents overwhelmed and stressed, over worked and under appreciated. I am only talking about moms, I see it everywhere, moms, dads. We live in a very interesting time, we live in the time of technology, endless stimulation, social pressure and expectations.
If you are worried about bills, about doing it perfectly, your work, relationships, it will directly affect your parenting space and your relationship with your children. I know it's not a common belief but children are extremely aware of what's going in your inner world, in your thoughts, what's happening emotionally and they react to it. When I have clients who come to me wondering why their children are acting out, throw tantrums and are emotionally unstable. When I look at their children's energy, most of the time, they are doing fine, they are simply reacting to their parents.
The challenge becomes how do I function in this world full of demands, responsibilities and endless to do lists and stay playful? The answer is simple but not done easily. Being present, being in your body, be with your emotions. Create a time and space where you can allow yourself to leave everything behind and PLAY. Find an hour in a day away from TV, iPhones, iPads, computers, texting and play. All you have to do is match your children. They are always in the present time. They play, they imagine, they wonder, they look at life with enthusiasm and excitement.

Socialy unacceptable

One of the things we teach our children is how to be socially acceptable. Our continuous teachings of right or wrong behavour, sometimes is set aside by our kids especially the times when we want them to behave. We were sitting at this fancy restaurant in San Francisco and there was a famous person sitting next to us. Everyone was whispering.....
My 4 year old who has no idea who this person is went to him and as loud as she could, said HI as if he was deaf. It was the funniest thing ever. Shortly after that, the whole restaurant heard her burping, her gigles and laughter.

I am sitting in the bench outside, listening to kids, writing and completely forgot my point of this blog. Being socially unacceptable is something we all should from time to time. Let's walk away from expectations, social rules of engagements, responsibilities and play....

calm

Now that my daughter is old enough, a lot of our communication is based on what I would like her to do around the house, her behavour, manners etc. As a clairvoyant, I notice that sometimes this interaction becomes series of commands rather than a communication space.

I also noticed when I place a command in her space to do something, she is more likely not to do it, resist it, delay it or simply mention that it's too hard. When I ask from the space of being centered, grounded, calm, my request becomes a communication, not a command to resist. Suddenly, the game is changed, it becomes a game, an exciting event of making the bed, cleaning the house, putting toys away... It becomes a space of enthusiasm to learn, to be, to play and to interact with each other.

To learn the tool of being grounded, check out www.aesclepion.com.

Observation of the day

How often do you ask your children to do something and they completely ignore you or give a straight forward "NO". Will you please clean up? Will you please finish your food? Will you share? Put on your shoes and get moving. Consequently, your aggravation elevates, your voice perhaps gets louder, you are late for work and things are not going the way you'd like. The morning is becoming a stressful one.

In this society, we go through life with the vibration of "hurry, hurry, hurry" and sometimes, we even parent from the space of hurry. Notice what happens to you emotionally when your child is not responding, notice what happens in your body when your child is talking back, notice what thoughts are running in your head when things are not going the way you would like. Just notice and be aware.

Now, imagine being centered and grounded to the planet and asking your child to do something from the space of calm, present and certainty and allow them a space to do it. Most children will resist you if you are rushing them. They don't like to be rushed, they are always in the present moment and don't care about the future.  Ask them and wait  few minutes. If your children is not cleaning the room, maybe he/she hasn't seen you do it. Create a game of cleaning and do it together. Children learn from mimicking our behaviours, not what we tell me to be true.

WHY?

Everyone is asking this question all the time. Why? Why? Why? Everyone who has a child knows this stage of endless whys and no matter what you tell them, why continues. I love this process. Why is the apple red? Why? why? why?

As adults, we also ask the question why. Why does the same thing keep happening to me? Why is it so hard? Why did I say that? Why is this person affecting me so much?  etc

But there is a significant difference between those whys. Children ask from the space of play, wonder, awe, imagination. They  explore and come up with the most amazing answers even if it means nothing to us as adults. Adults ask the question "why" from the space of intellect and analizing which doesn't always allow the use of our imagination and our intuition. So, for us, as adults, the question creates an endless cycle and rarely we find answers. Children on the other hand, allow their imagination and their spiritual information to flow in the body and they access their truth instantly. We call this being outside of the box.

Now, ask your questions from the space of ease and play, not from the space of self-emprovement.

Imagine, explore, play...

 

Coming back to blogging

After months of travel and non stop working, I am back to blogging and I am challenging myself to blog every day for the whole month of August. Blog will be observations of life as a parent, joys, crys, challenges and happiness of parenthood and of course seeing the beauty in all of it.

Sincerely,

Irina M.

Giving to yourself

One of the hardest things for many parents is creating time for themselves or doing something for themselves. Imagine a moment where you are not concerned about your spouse, your children, your dinner preparations, cleaning and this list is endless. Imagine having a space of stillness and solitude as an individual. We do many things with great responsibility, with sense of pride and seriousness but when it comes to doing something for ourselves, many parents feel guilty and undeserving.

More you do things for others, more you fix your attention outside of yourself, more you are disconnecting from yourself, from your intuition. Biggest challenge of a mother is to give her attention to herself. She gives selflessly to others, she compromises herself, she worries and fears for the future, she thinks about laundry and dinner, she thinks about school systems and which one is the best for her precious ones and she forgets about herself.

Solution? How do we change the pattern? Imagine creating a time and space for you only. Walk away from your computer, turn off your phone, forget about your to do list.  Imagine walking away from all responsibility and worry, imagine giving yourself your gentleness, imagine doing something for you only, imagine paying attention your body. As you start paying attention your body and its needs, as you learn to give your healing energy to yourself, you will find more capacity within to give, to find stillness and to be.

Parenting from Joy Playshop

Parenting is something we all know how to do intuittevly. However, along the way, as a parent you are inundated with countless bits of information and advice from sources outside of yourself, including from parents, friends, and communities. In this two day workshop you will learn how to access your own unique way of parenting.

 

As a parent, you will receive tools and concepts on how to:

 

• Create an environment of calm and permission and 100% expression.

 

• Understand the dynamics within child and parent communication.

 

• Parents will learn about their spiritual agreement with their child and how to foster their child's imagination and path.

 

• Parents will learn how to release effort as a parent and decrease stress, expectations and demands of society and family.

 

• Parents will learn how to trust their own intuition on how to best engage their children.

 

 

What are the benefits?

 

• How to stay centered, even as your child is throwing a tantrum.

• How to effectively discipline without punishing your child.

• How do manage stress in the moment and be calm and present for your child.

• How to harness your own energy, even in the face of an endless to-do list.

• How to bring playfulness into every aspect of your day.

 

 

This is a meditative workshop where you go within and learn how to find their own truth, you will learn how to say hello to your child's spirit and see your unbreakable connection together. When all the access energy is released, when all the worry is released, when all the perfection is released, you will receive greater joy as a parent.

 

 

 

 

Meditation class for parents

Life Skills 101: is what you will learn from the meditation class. This class will teach you tools and techniques of how to stay in your body, how to release other people's agenda's from your space, how to release stress, pain and how to become a child again. You will learn to approach your body differently, with gentleness and neutrality, NOT by placing expectations and demands on your body.

When: October 7-28  6pm-7:30pm

Where: 1649 Taraval Street

Cost: $25

Contact:  Irina 415-994-7031 to register

with enthusiasm,

Irina